Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Housebuilding threat to job security

The announcement by the Minister for No Housing today that he is to slash regulation for house-builders and increase supply has been revealed both as a master-stroke by industry insiders but it could have unforeseen consequences for Ian Dunkin Donuts best efforts.

‘Ezer can reveal that Shappless not only announced plans to reduce the number of boxes on 1APP from 326 on average to a more manageable 194, he has also demanded a reduction in the number of signatures to "no more than 8 per form". His boss at DCLG (known to his mates as Chutneysand) was said to be apoplectic that the thunder of his radical program for reform was being undermined by his underling.

Promises to rationalise environmental standards across private and public sector housing brought sharp intakes of breath from attendees at the conference today. Denzil Pertwee - Associate Sustainability Consultant at ZerCarb raised the spectre of mass redundancies in the burgeoning "eco-consultancy" sector at the prospect of no longer ripping up trees for reports to justify the newly found green credentials for the same old shit their clients have been building for years.

Even more worried when questioned was an anonymous junior planning officer sent to the conference at the last minute. On pressing (we shall call her Kylie) Kylie explained that her Head of Service was due to attend but was undertaking urgent due diligence of neighbouring Leafyshire as part of a hostile takeover bid launched late yesterday by a Singaporean Zillionaire). The prospect of any meaningful comment to our reporter was scuppered further when she explained that she was only teamping and that anything she said would first need to be deiscussed with her lion manager? and even then it would be offered only on an infourmal bayisis that would not be binding on either her?, her Professional Indemnity Insurers? or the loucal orthoridy? (at least that's what our reporter thought she said).

Whilst the prospect of our once mighty housebuilders cranking back into action may be good news for part of the economy, spare a thought for the web-design teams who make those fancy new car configuration programmes. There is a real risk they will no longer be needed to fettle and create new beta versions for testing and release for middle management types in the building industry.

Such has hitherto been the angst at the 530d coming out of warranty but with no houses sold to fund the bonus to replace it, coupled with the general idleness of sales and commercial directors in recent times, they may no longer have to play daily email game of who can configure the most expensive Audi A4 in Bartaywimpers Homes whislt waiting for the Administrators to sell the company back to itself or for the bank to come out of administration so buyers can get a mortgage. The prospect of gainful employment in housebuilidng is not welcomed in the web teams who fear mass redundancies nor even the "lucky" ones kept on as Skype team leaders to the Delhi outsource office.

If interested apparently Johno in East region is the current leader on 47k for a Highline 2.7tdi with full leather, bose and nav.

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